On Pirates, Theft, Love, and Consciousness

Concerts are amazing because you can elevate to a higher level of spiritual consciousness. This is due to the fact that you are in the presence of greatness.

Music waves are a rift in the space time continuum.
Music permeates every culture; it transcends every language. And being in the presence of the geniuses who alter our world with music is well, important.

That’s why I’m so excited to see Lady Gaga, Aerosmith, and Queen this summer. To hear Steven Tyler’s otherworldly scream in “Dream On,” to hear Brian May’s absurdly stupendous guitar solo in “We Will Rock You,” to hear Gaga sing the opening notes of “Bad Romance,” ten “oh”‘s that are essentially the calling card for a generation to put their hands in the air; oh yes, concerts are worth every penny. (By the way, this will be my seventh Aerosmith show. you can read about my first six times here!) Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy me music. Which is maybe just as important.

***

Unless, of course, you steal music, but stealing music is bad. It causes a ripple effect throughout the entire economy. Don’t do it! I did, when I was younger; before I knew. I used to use LimeWire a lot. Remember how songs always used to get mislabeled? Like, one time I thought I was downloading a Pearl Jam cover of “Day Tripper,” but it was actually by some band called Ocean Colour Scene. Like, who does that? What sick moron on LimeWire in 2004 deliberately uploaded mislabeled mp3s? Really, dude. And because some people never questioned those labels, confusion remains to this day. About a year ago I was in a room full of people who all thought that “All The Young Dudes” was by the freaking Beatles.

I bet I know who it is… The record industry!! Some A&R guys got together and poisoned the illegal download world.

“You wanna listen to “Girls Girls Girls” by Mötley Crüe? Well I’m gonna write that it’s by Bon Jovi! Muah hah hah hah!”

“”Let It Be'” by The Beatles? Let’s let it be by Simon and Garfunkel! Lolz!”

Heck, I’m pretty sure half the metal songs were actually just a mislabeled copy of “One” by Metallica.

***

What Do You Want?

An alphabetical scroll through my iPod reveals what artists really want:

The Ramones wanna be sedated.

The Beatles wanna be your man, hold your hand, tell you, want you (she’s so heavy.)

Whitney Houston wants to dance with somebody (who loves her.)

Akon… Well, what he wants can’t be printed in any decent publication.

Britney Spears wants to go, Twisted Sister wants to rock, and the Backstreet Boys want it that way.

Chumbawamba wants more. Chumbawamba, by the way, are a terrific band. They are much more than a one hit wonder. Furthermore, I just taught Siri the word Chumbawamba.

And of course, Foreigner wants to know what love is.

~FIN~

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